Live Love Laugh Learn

      When it just hurts so good to be alive! Nothing and no one can get me down, no matter what I've been through. I'm so blessed to be at this point in my life! Just a little more than a year of officially managing my depression, never letting it keep me from loving  my life!

      My wonderful friend died recently, a few days before thanksgiving. He was so full of life, always had a smile on his face. Even through this tragedy I felt I was able to trudge through, and felt I had learned a lot about his life and from his death, could apply it to my life for better quality of life. I might talk about him again later.

      I've been through horrible situations, so it's wonderful to be at a point in life where you can just make thes best of the worst situations. Just let yourself feel everything you need to the first few days, grieve it out, then look at the situation ligically. What can you take for this? This is always a greener side, a pro you can gain. Even a way out if you need.

      A thought inside Nicky's mind.

      Have a good night guys, take care of yourselves.

Spring of the souls has come

Anyone could see, that I thought you were the one for me.

Now its clear to me, that we were never meant to be.

Time and time again, I tried to hold your hand.

Time and time again, you spat on what we had.

Never will I understand,

such selfishness as yours.

So never again,

will this heart be yours.

All I can say,

is that despite all my pleas,

thank you for setting me free,

so I can spread my wings <3

It always attracts exactly what it is...

Energy is a very complex and fragile thing. You have to be careful with how you use it, which appears to be very nerve racking because everything in existance is energy. You are energy. Your soul is energy. The air you breath is energy. The bed you sleep in is oozing with all the postive and negative energy of your dreams and thoughts. EVERYTHING is energy. and I say its fragile because the type of energy that is there, will attract MORE of that energy. That is why, and I cannot stress this enough, you MUST be careful of the thoughts you think. Ever notice that when you are having a bad day, something gets you all flustered and you focus on it, and MORE and MORE bad stuff keeps happening, like a chain. That is because it IS a chain, a chain reaction. You may not realize it, but when you are focusing on that bad thing that happened, you are focusing on negative energy, which is causing more bad things to happen to you. It is the way of the universe. You are thus attracting negative energy which is causing things to fall less in your favor. That is why when something gets you upset, try to go do something that makes you feel better, like listen to a song that fills you with energy and puts a smile on your face. What I personally do is go watch Spongebob or Family Guy. For those of you that practice energy rituals, try inscribing and moving your energy into a black candle to repel the negative energy you wish to get rid of, or for peace doing the same thing with a blue candle, except for inscribe the inner peace you wish for, not what you wish to repel. I hope you all have a lovely day and the minutes pass by with a smile on your face <3

Definition of Death: Cease to exist

Today I was in church, and a sharp truth hit me hard. I realized right then and there, that when you die, that's it. No more. You are gone. The world keeps spinning round. People keep on living their life, waking up, going to work, coming home, taking care of their family, then going to sleep to start the routine all over again. Their lives are completely unaffected by your death. The WORLD is unaffected by your death. The world keeps on living, never knowing of your existance, nor caring. They are never aware of the sufferings you endured, the accomplishments you made, the things you did to help other people. Not even your bad deeds. The world just keeps on turning as if nothing ever happened. Only a majorly insignificant amount of people are aware of your life and your passing, and even they move on. Pondering this I found it to be very sad, depressing, and yet uncanny.
A peak inside Nicky's mind. Peace.

What the soul is really made of....

The power of music. Its extraordinary. Whether you are dancing, singing, playing a instrument, or even just listening to music, its electrifying. It runs through every bit of your body, fills you with energy, and a unexplainable joy. You just want to rejoice. I have experienced all these things, so I truly have felt the joy of music before.

I once played the violin, and with each stroke I felt powerful, and the vibrations and beautiful sound ran through my body, caressing it. I'm no good at playing instruments, but every now and then I'll fiddle with a piano or a guitar, or more recently a Cello and Base string instrument, and I may not know how to play properly, but I can still feel the energy and power go through me reminding me one of the reasons I have never chosen to end my life during rougher patches I have gone through but come close to doing so. My passion for music. If I die there is no more music.

I sing everyday. In choir at school, and the moment I'm alone at home. It's amazing. It wells up inside me and I have to release it all. As I sing my heart swells up, content at the moment with life. And its even more truly amazing singing with lyrics you can relate to, or better yet, lyrics you have written. And when you are heartbroken there is no better temporary medicine then singing about your pain with lyrics you have written yourself.

Listening to music, we've all discovered this wonderful feeling. That is why everyone walks around with earbuds in their ears. It flows through your ears down your body like warm water. If listening to music is so wonderful imagine the amazing feeling when dancing. The music is loud, and you can feel every beat pump though your body. You just let go of yourself, of your will and go with the music. It's like you are one with it. It's apart of you. You can't deny apart of yourself. You can't deny music. The passion. It calls you.

The flower must be taken care of....

It truly annoys me when people give up on relationships so easy. They find one flaw in the other person and they cut it off. The fact of the matter is people have too high of expectations these days. They expect the other person to be perfect. Let me just flat out say this is an IMPOSSIBLE expectation. Even in your one true love and soulmate, you will have days where you bug each other. It's reality. Don't give up so easily. Keep working at it even when it seems so hard. Also have a little respect for yourself and don't expect the relationship to bloom all the way within a couple of weeks, and cut it off because it doesn't. Relationships take TIME. A long time. Just a little peak into Nicky's mind on what is grinding her gears.