Thursday, November 26, 2009

Definition of Death: Cease to exist

Today I was in church, and a sharp truth hit me hard. I realized right then and there, that when you die, that's it. No more. You are gone. The world keeps spinning round. People keep on living their life, waking up, going to work, coming home, taking care of their family, then going to sleep to start the routine all over again. Their lives are completely unaffected by your death. The WORLD is unaffected by your death. The world keeps on living, never knowing of your existance, nor caring. They are never aware of the sufferings you endured, the accomplishments you made, the things you did to help other people. Not even your bad deeds. The world just keeps on turning as if nothing ever happened. Only a majorly insignificant amount of people are aware of your life and your passing, and even they move on. Pondering this I found it to be very sad, depressing, and yet uncanny.
A peak inside Nicky's mind. Peace.

Monday, October 26, 2009

What the soul is really made of....

The power of music. Its extraordinary. Whether you are dancing, singing, playing a instrument, or even just listening to music, its electrifying. It runs through every bit of your body, fills you with energy, and a unexplainable joy. You just want to rejoice. I have experienced all these things, so I truly have felt the joy of music before.

I once played the violin, and with each stroke I felt powerful, and the vibrations and beautiful sound ran through my body, caressing it. I'm no good at playing instruments, but every now and then I'll fiddle with a piano or a guitar, or more recently a Cello and Base string instrument, and I may not know how to play properly, but I can still feel the energy and power go through me reminding me one of the reasons I have never chosen to end my life during rougher patches I have gone through but come close to doing so. My passion for music. If I die there is no more music.

I sing everyday. In choir at school, and the moment I'm alone at home. It's amazing. It wells up inside me and I have to release it all. As I sing my heart swells up, content at the moment with life. And its even more truly amazing singing with lyrics you can relate to, or better yet, lyrics you have written. And when you are heartbroken there is no better temporary medicine then singing about your pain with lyrics you have written yourself.

Listening to music, we've all discovered this wonderful feeling. That is why everyone walks around with earbuds in their ears. It flows through your ears down your body like warm water. If listening to music is so wonderful imagine the amazing feeling when dancing. The music is loud, and you can feel every beat pump though your body. You just let go of yourself, of your will and go with the music. It's like you are one with it. It's apart of you. You can't deny apart of yourself. You can't deny music. The passion. It calls you.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

The flower must be taken care of....

It truly annoys me when people give up on relationships so easy. They find one flaw in the other person and they cut it off. The fact of the matter is people have too high of expectations these days. They expect the other person to be perfect. Let me just flat out say this is an IMPOSSIBLE expectation. Even in your one true love and soulmate, you will have days where you bug each other. It's reality. Don't give up so easily. Keep working at it even when it seems so hard. Also have a little respect for yourself and don't expect the relationship to bloom all the way within a couple of weeks, and cut it off because it doesn't. Relationships take TIME. A long time. Just a little peak into Nicky's mind on what is grinding her gears.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

A battle lost before it's even begun....

The misery parents can cause is unbelievable. As a matter of fact, the misery FAMILY can cause is unbelievable. Even when they are beyond wrong, and you are right, your still wrong. Almost every battle you have with them is a losing battle, even when they are being ridiculous or unfair, which is quite often. They have the power. They have the control. And you have none. Even when you deserve some.

You maintain good grades. You don't do underage partying. You don't smoke. You don't do drugs. You don't have sex. You don't even sneak out of the house. You are kind to others and smile at strangers.

Isn't this reason enough for them to hand you some power?? Even if it's a little?? Even when they admit they know these things about you and your wise choices?? What right do they have to tell your almost 18 self how to dress when you could be out there getting stoned instead? What right do they have to forbid you from seeing a friend because your room is messy, when you could just choose to slip out at night, but don't because you know they trust you not to. Its just not fair. They should be more understanding. Especially seeing that they were once in your place not too too long ago. But they don't. It's a hopelesss hope.


Your like a dream
A sweet sweet dream
Your too good to be true
You don't exist

It's all in my mind
It's all in my head
Any moment I'm gonna wake up and you aren't gonna be there.
Any moment I'm gonna reach out my hand to your face,
and your gonna dissapear into thin mist.

Theres just no way.
I'm actually....happy?
Because of....a boy?
A sweet sweet boy?

But I was destined for unhappiness
I was destined for blankness,
for emptiness.

So why me?

Your such a blessing.
I fear its gonna end.
All things good must come to an end.
Or so they say.
Lets hope they're wrong.
Just wrong wrong wrong.

I've just never felt this way.
And I hardly understand it.
And I'm ready to embrace it.
Even if it might scare me.

It may only have been a month.
But this is how I feel.

It may be a bit fast.
But this is how I feel.
I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
Grow Old with you.
And I hope you feel the same.
Because baby, this is true love I feel.

I wrote this a little more than a month ago, when things were less serious between me and him, but I had just discovered my feelings and was pondering them. I think we had already established that we were in love with each other, but the love was so new, and we still barely knew each other. So I was afraid to post this on myspace. Now it has been a little more then two months and we are UNBELIEVEBLY close. It's been the two most happiest months of my life. And I thank God every day for him.